The other day I was reading Deuteronomy 28 and suddenly I laughed because this chapter is divided in two parts, one is about the Blessing that comes with Obedience and the Second the curse that comes with Disobedience. I laugh because there are many more curses than blessings and start to compare the writer of this chapter with us.

You know, as much as I respect the Bible I had to understand that the man took an essential part writing it. And through this chapter I noticed something that is strong even today. When I start debating about ideas and point of views with other fellow members of the Kingdom I noticed that most of the time we end discussing things irrelevant to the original conversation that starts the debate. We ended discussing who’s right or wrong, what’s good or what’s evil. But think this hard, it was not this the reason why we were spelled out the Garden?

Human behavior tends to debates among good and evil, also try to dominate and to impose opinions unto others. Why oh why is this happen? Another human behavior is to exaggerate things, especially when is about curses and destructions. I remember when I was a kid that my favorite cartoons were those filled with violence, destruction and revenge. Even today the big ticket movies are those full of anger and revenge or the apocalyptical ones.

These behaviors take me to debate even within me who really God is. In one hand we see a God full of mercy and kindness and in the other hand a God angry with a mouth full of curses upon those who don’t follow him. Well, in my quest to know God I study the early writings about God, most of them were part of the people of God until by Constantine’s order, the Church decided to erased them from what we know today as the Bible. And I found that, as Muslims believe today, among the Jewish and early Christians there was a belief of a God that punishes you to fulfill his purpose, there was other Christians that believes in multiple Gods. In early writings, even earlier than the Genesis we know, there are writings about the beginning of times that suggests that God was the ultimate power in Heaven but under his commands there were Living Beings who actually created us. Among all these sayings was raised Moses.

I was so confused; I didn’t know where to look to know God. This way God let me know that I cannot know him through the experiences of others. When I turn 35 years old, I finally knew him. I was alone in the middle of nowhere, it was cold, too cold, and 40 degrees bellow cero. I remember as it was yesterday, I was fighting with myself why I decided to drive an 18 wheeler instead of doing what God intended for me to be. But there was a lesson I needed to learn.

For many years looking for the truth about God I had many complains with my mother, who is a pastor, about who He is. We constantly collide with our differences; I never understood why God ask my mother to be a pastor occupying her time with the church, making me felt leave out. I made God accountable for this. My mother tried to show me a God of Love but through the law.

Anyhow, here I am in a cold truck cab, complaining why everything turn out for bad to me… you know a pity party, then, a moment of truth, a moment where God confront me with myself. A lot of images came to my mind, like a movie. Take me back when I was a baby, show me how my mother take care of me, teaching me how to crawl, how to sit, how to walk, how to talk, how to run, how to eat, how to drink from a cup, how to play, how to smile, how to finish my homework, how to control myself, how to take good decisions, how to pray, how to laugh, how to sleep, how to respect others, how to love my dad and others, how to care for others, how to read, how to study, how my body works, how to forget, how to overcome situations.

When that movie finished I start to complain how many times she failed to give me what I need. Then another movie started. Here God showed me my mom as a baby, how her mother abandoned her, how she almost died, how she grew up without a mother, how her father had to left her in her grandparents’ house to work in the city, how she grew up without the presence of her father, how she had to look for water in the river, how she saw her grandfather die, how she lived her childhood without any luxury. God then talked to me and told me: “She was unable to give you many things you expected from her because there was no one there while she was growing up to show her how, but still, she gave you a lot more than she received”.

I start to cry so hard, as I’m crying now. “How ungrateful son I was when I was a kid”, and in that moment, in the middle of nowhere in a cold night, I would've give up anything to have a second of the love I had back home. I never talk to her about this, but let me tell you, there is no other person in this earth who loves his/her mother as I love mine. Instead of saying anything I act different with her now, with love and respect. Finally at my 35’s I grew up.

God, in spite what we deserved He sent his one of a kind Son, the one we hated and killed, the one we whiplash with anger, the one we spit on him… the one who claimed “Father forgive them because they don’t know what they’re doing” and raised from dead to saves us. All of these because He loves us. This is the God I served, not the God of curses and destruction, but the consuming fire God who consume me with his fire to be purified in his grace to live with purpose in His Kingdom, with Christ as my paragon, and the Holy Spirit to guide me.

This is my God, my God Today.

Have a blessed day