There are subjects that for us are difficult to bring to the table, mainly towards our children. Many of these subjects are those that someday can save their life, but we are afraid that when abounding in them we'll raise some type of curiosity or interest in the minors before time. Lamentably other structures exist that we practiced daily in the family circle which promote and facilitate the tools for sexual predators.

For example, in our society during centuries the structure used with the relation father-and-son is that the minor does not have another option but to accept the parents' dominion. With this structure we discipline the minor with aggressiveness, by means of threats, of imposition, intimidation or by the excessive use of the force to make the minor give in to the paternal authority.

In the majority of social circles these dictators tactics are considered abuse of the civil rights, as long as they are outside the family circle. This creates a controversy in the mind of our children. This dictator's attitude, appointed by many psychologists, causes that the minor feels defenseless before the power of the adults, without the opportunity to present or display a defense of their part before the nonnegotiable attitude of the parents. It is sad and lamentable that in many religious circles the Word of God is used, the Bible, to promote this type of abuse that serves as a trigger for future abuses.

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him”. Proverbs 22:15 (NIV)

For the old times the rod of discipline was the last alternative against the nonsense of the minors. We do not discard that from time to time a physical contact is required to redirect the nonsense towards the wisdom according as suggests the book of Proverbs 13:24: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”. What I do know is that the word used in the Hebrew for discipline is “mûsãr” that means instruction. It is sad that our society associates the discipline with physical punishment or abuse as a corrective method. But according to Proverbs 13:24 Is better to instruct early the minor than to have to whip it with the rod of correction in the afternoon or not instructing him/her in absolute.

Is then when we found ourselves in the position of reprogramming our children from a dictatorial structure to a structure of civil rights. Then this way we can develop in the minor some elements that will make him able to predispose or to avoid a not desired sexual contact.

First we must define what is an Abusive Sexual Contact (Rape). It is considered that sexual abuse is any contact without consent, with or without violence, either with or without contact, by a person, without concerning his/her age, to obtain a sexual pleasure. Although in most of the cases of child abuse they involve an adult, have occurred cases of sexual abuse among minors.

The sexual abuse not always imposed with violence or physical contact. Example of this is to present/display videos of sexual contents, telephone calls, sexual education in order to obtain sexual pleasure or to force the victim to repeat a slang with seductive contents. Also to persist to have a sexual contact event though you have said at first “no” is consider statuary rape and is punishable by law, even among husband and wife.

1. Do not talk to strangers: Even though this is a good advice it is found of lack of relevance because most cases where a child was abused, the pervert was a close one to the family, like a family friend or a relative; in cases of incest or abuse among school friends or a neighbor.
2. Your body needs respect: To insinuate that the sexual act is a lack of respect predispose the child that any physical contact involving sex is wrong, what is not correct neither healthy. If we use this allegation we have to explain the child that the undesired contact is a lack of respect, because is a child no one is allowed to touch him/her in their genitals, much less without their consent.
3. You have to be careful: To teach the children to take care of themselves is not simply to tell them “You have to take care of yourself”, but to instruct them how to take care of themselves, to enable them with tools and knowledge that help them to identify possible physical or visual abusive contacts against themselves without their consent.
4. To ignore the problem: Many of us as Christian erroneously learned to leave things go by using the pretext that God will take care of us. When faith is not other thing but knowledge and security (Hebrew 11:1) “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” (KJV). In the original Greek word for "substance" used is “ὑπόστασις” or “hypostasis” that means Security. In modern versions we can find “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (NIV). In another word, ignoring the subject denying to impart our faith to our children. In the Bible also Pablo mentions in Romans 10:17 “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ”. Studies reveal that the majority of the children who undergo some degree of sexual abuse never received some type of sexual education, neither in its home, nor in the school and much less in the church.
5. Do not accept gifts or candies: Many predators form a friendly relation with their possible victims. They do so offering sweets, amiable and loving gifts or money until get the affection of the children.
   Do not share personal information: Once the predators have confidence with the children, they will try to obtain the most information as possible about their personal life, about parents, place where they live and others. They stay abreast of the new trends to create a confidence atmosphere and thus to obtain his goal.

An effective way to teach our children is to show them what types of contacts are acceptable and those that are not. For example, we can teach our children types of caresses:

1. Acceptable: Physical contact that we give our children as a kiss in the cheek or head, a hug or a caress in the head. The tickles must be limited to the back, arms and ribs.
2. Not Acceptable: Trying to touch their genital areas, to kiss them by the neck, to try to introduce the hands in their clothes no matter in which area as much in boys as in girls, or to invite them to sit down in the skirt to provoke sensuality.

As sad as it sounds, most cases of child abuse involves a close relative, a close family friend, or in the child's home. That's why the parents must keep an open relationship individually with their kids, where an open communication never being compromise.

1. Always let clear that no matter what situation happens they can count on you. Always tell you children you love them.
2. Show a high level of maturity when managing difficult situations, do not get angry for any a small issue, never try to impose your point of view without any valuable reason. Remember that you children trust in your confidence to manage the situations in a fair manner, and let them know you will respect any decision they may take as an individuals.
3. Always explain yourself, children deserve an explanation too. Specially if you want to gain their trust in any situation.
4. Talk about sex objectively. Also talk to them about how is a healthy relationship. If it possible, both parents should be present. Specify the difference between love and sex. Most predators deceive children telling them what they are doing is because they love them, they call themselves “Child Lovers”. Talk in a way that your children understand you're talking about them avoiding the use of metaphors with animals. They need to be conscious and clear you're talking about them.
   

We need to teach our children that them as anybody else...

1. They have rights.

2. No one has the right to violate those rignts.

3. They have the right to defend them.

4. No one has the right to be mistreated by other, not excluding by parents, by professors or by teachers, by bus drivers or by any other person.

5. Is not right to manipulate or use other person.

6. Is not moral to take advantage of someone else to obtain a favor, sexual or not sexual.

7. Nobody has the right to rape or sodomize another.

8. That is not right than an adult nor a child to force any other person please them sexually.

In the next edition we will profound in the “Child Lovers” behaviors, their frequent sites. But is important for you to keep an open communication with your child to equip them against any possible sexual abuse in the future. Is the best way to prevent it.

Be blessed.

Characteristics or tips to identify an abused child:

1. Significant change of attitude or their behavior at school. (Isolate, shyness, fear or shame)

2. Fear or terror to any physical contact with an adult, do not allow or avoid to be touched by other children.

3. Evidence of emotional disturbance.

4. Develop a hostile, aggressive, antisocial or criminal behavior.

5. Low esteem.

6. Show anger o hatred against parents. May be associate a lack of response or active performance in the abuse.

7. Continuously leave of absent or scholar desertion.

8. Don't like to get undressed in front of others, extreme modesty or relentless to participate or any sport activity.

9. Uncomfortable to use the public sanitary.

10. Small children tend to imitate what's happening with mimics or behaviors.

11. They arrive to early at school and leave at the very last, may be because they're scare to get home or of the way home.

12. They always look tired or fatigue and show difficult to concentrate.

13. Always complains about nightmares and are afraid to dark.

14. Show advanced knowledge of sexual relations for their age, in their drawings or games there are always

Rafael Vilá Copyrights ©2008 www.GTFN.org and www.meneitopr.com

Information provided by:
Ramón Aponte (Payaso Meneíto)

Resources:

Sexual Abuse Against Minors: Prevention - by Leonardo Romero S. ©2001 Barranquillas Colombia.

Program Evaluation about Prevention of Sex Abuse Towards Minors in Intermediate School by Amania del Campo Sanchez and Félix López Sánchez – Universidad de Salamanca – Asturias España. http://www.psicothema.com/pdf/3168.pdf