Innocently, she entered the house like any other day. As soon as she crossed the vestibule of the house, she noticed something was wrong. Quickly, thinking about her children, she ran immediately to their rooms and they were not there. When she entered her room her husband had her daughter on the bed and her eldest son was sitting on the floor with his mouth shut. After a failed marriage and two children of whom she had to take care of, she met this man who treated her like a queen. This did not happen immediately after the marriage. The sad thing is that it happened. She was sorry she had not sat down with her children to speak about sexuality, what is correct and what is not.

This is the story of a sister in Christ, whose name we will maintain in the anonymity along with her children. This is a case like many others where ignorance or the lack of education was the cause in which a family underwent the effects of sexual harassment of minors.

On the other side of the continent a girl was abused by her father, unfortunately, the court declared the case as a lost case because the girl did not know how to explain, exactly, what her father did, nor was she able to describe or pronounce the proper name of her private parts. As a result of this, the court could not prevent the girl from fulfilling her visits to her father in the weekends; being constantly exposed to the disturber of her innocence.

These are sad stories that lamentably affect our society day by day. Alarmingly, the numbers of sexual predators of minors grow daily. Experts say that the possibility of a victim of these attacks becoming an aggressor later in life is very high.

The best way to fight these alarming numbers of abuse is to prevent it from happening. Perhaps the only effective tool against these attacks is education and effective information on time. Not through a stranger but through you; father, mother or immediate relative. As we mentioned in last month’s article, ignorance is the major cause of why these acts happen, developed by studies researched by a university of Spain.

The education and open communication between parents and their children is very indispensable in the prevention of possible attacks. The earlier this education and communication begins far better.

Experts in infantile sexuality advise, fervently, to speak to the infant in a clear and specific way when referring to sexuality; several points that are emphasized are:

1. Call the parts of the body with their proper names. If the children know the proper names of their genitals, it is easier to communicate specific points when teaching sexual education. The sexual predators normally put jovial names to the parts of the body to attract the attention of the infants. Before the law, to occur such a lamentable act, charges cannot be submitted if the victim cannot describe specifically what happened, including the proper names of his/her genital parts (penis or vulva). Giving names to substitute the proper name can generate confusion at the time of presenting proof of evidence.
2. Do not use a different tone of voice when you mention the genital parts. The most effective moment to teach the infants (6 months to 5 years) is during their bath. When you cleanse him, mention each part of his body by its proper name (head, neck, shoulder, chest, penis/vulva, thighs, etc…) and do not change the tone of your voice nor make any facial expressions at the time of mentioning the sexual parts. In this way, while speaking about the body, the infant will understand that his genitals are part of the body and are included in the conversation.
3. Put limits without creating fear or anxiety. When bathing your son or daughter, let him/her wash his/her own intimate parts and explain to him/her that his/her body can only be touched by father or mother, during bath time, or to take care of him/her in case of a sickness or cut, and by the doctor or nurse solely for health treatment. The boy/girl will begin to understand the limits without fear or intrigue. With time let your son /daughter wash all his body by himself so he can see that as a father or mother you respect these limits.
4. Teach your son /daughter what are their rights and that just as they have rights each person in the world also have rights. That neither they nor anybody have the power to break those rights. Redirect the conversation towards sexuality so they could understand that part of those rights is the respect to their bodies and the bodies of others.
5. It is normal for infants to feel curiosity with their sexual parts, at the same time they also feel pleasure. If your son touches his genitals in public, communicate to him that you understand that it feels good when he touches himself but to do it only when he is alone in his room. Sexuality is a natural part of each human being; do not speak to him in a severe way, to create a taboo of something natural can bring unfortunate repercussions later on in life. If he continues with this conduct, speak with his doctor, he might be undergoing an infection in the urinary tract, something normal during childhood.

These points are essential during the beginnings of your children. If have not begun an open communication with your children at an early age do not worry. If you need orientation or help as to how to begin a conversation on sexuality with your children look for resources in the community. Psychologists, pastors, school advisers or governmental organizations can be a very fruitful place where you can find resources. Educating yourself individually on these subjects also is a lot of help. Look for literature and books that help you establish an open conversation with your children.

To identify the strategy of the enemy also is very effective in times of war. To maintain your children out of danger is a constant war between you and the sexual predators. Having a counterattack plan is essential for the survival of your children in a hostile world. Points to know your offenders:

1. The offenders stay current on the fashions, slang and games of the moment. This offers them a window to begin a conversation with your children. When maintaining an open communication with your children make sure you also are current on these topics in such a way your children do not have to depend on adults outside home who understand their needs as ignorant as they might seem.
2. They are like wolves dressed as sheep. Offenders rely on disguises and the Internet has become very effective for this. You must, as a parent, maintain an absolute control of the computer as the administrator and your children as users. The advanced operating systems now have Parental Control included as an obligatory option nowadays, never give administrative control to your children and prepare the Firewall system of the computer to only accept material apt for your children. If your son wishes to enter a page that is not allowed by the Firewall, he must ask you to please adapt the system so that it is added to the list of allowed sites of the network, which is what is known as an exception to your original list. This allows you as a parent to know the interests of your children. At the same time, if your children wish to install some program of the network they must have your approval and authorization. Operating system MS Windows Vista and OS X of Apple include very effective programs of Firewall and other independent programs also exists that can help more effectively such as antivirus, anti spies and detectors of “robots”.
3. Offenders have the tendency of being good sport leaders. If your son is involved in some sport and belongs to a team make sure you meet the leader and study carefully his references. If you have openly educated your son on sexuality your son will know the difference between what is accepted or not regarding a touch or a caress. But always maintain an open line of communication so that your son informs you if some situation were provoked. If your son needs additional assistance and the leader offers to individually assist him, if possible attend with your son the practices. Many predators offer their extracurricular services as a persuasive means to gain the affection of the children. Not all the sport leaders are predators, but you must always maintain guard.
4. The predator attacks desolate victims. Explain to your son to make it a custom to go to public places accompanied by a friend. In our society, women generally accompany each other to the restroom, which is a wonderful idea that should be taught also to the male children. This allows them, as friends, to take care and watch for each other. Also it gives less chance to predators.
5. The offenders are always lost. One of the tactics that they use is to act as if they were lost and ask a child for directions. When the child approaches the vehicle, it is then when they take advantage and abduct the child or offer a ride. Predators also use the pickup technique in which they say they were sent by you to pick them up. Educate the child to never accept anything from strangers no matter how much they want to. A good suggestion is to create a special password that only you and your child know, if you are unable to pick up your son delegate this password to the person you asked to pick him up. Make sure that the person you chose mentions the correct password to your child first and not your child to the person. In such a way that no one tries to trick him. Instruct your son not to leave with anyone unless the person gives the correct password the first time. Change the password daily. You can make it a game of words, you can use the dictionary and both of you will be educated with daily new word at the same time.
6. Game rooms are one of the preferred places of the offenders, in this way they can study each child, if they are alone or not. If they determine that a child is alone they will approach him and offer to show how to play a certain game and the tricks of the same. Also they offer money to watch how the child plays the game, creating a friendly atmosphere. Soon after they offer to buy something to eat and a ride home or to their own places to show the child more tricks.
7. No matter how obvious these points may seem lamentably they are the way that the majority of the children fall in the traps of the sexual predators. Predators attack infants and youth alike. There isn’t an age in which we can say that your son is free from the maliciousness of these false “lovers of children”. I remember that in my adolescence, I could have been victim of these attacks if I would not have been instructed by my parents. I thank God that I never fell in their ambush even though I had not yet understood the situation. It was not until I was older that I understood I almost became a victim of these predators but the education and communication maintained me out of danger.

Unfortunately, we still do not count with severe laws that counter attack these harassments. Nowadays we are being attacked with slight pornography, created by Japanese animation, where young twelve (12) year old are used like sexual objects. But it is so slight that it cannot be prohibited by the law. The sad thing of this case is that the parents are the ones who give permission for this.

If we do not act on time our society will change drastically being the predators the majority and we the rare minorities and old fashioned. Educate, communicate and counterattack.

Rafael Vilá Copyrights ©2008 www.GTFN.org and www.meneitopr.com

Information provided by:
Ramón Aponte (Payaso Meneíto)

Resources:

Sexual Abuse Against Minors: Prevention - by Leonardo Romero S. ©2001 Barranquillas Colombia.

Program Evaluation about Prevention of Sex Abuse Towards Minors in Intermediate School by Amania del Campo Sanchez and Félix López Sánchez – Universidad de Salamanca – Asturias España. http://www.psicothema.com/pdf/3168.pdf